The Chronicles of Japania Day 3: Osu Kannon

I get up early again today and am ready to tackle something new. Kevin suggested I go to Osu Kannon, only a few trains stops away from where we are. He said there was a Buddhist Temple there so I decided that going would be a good idea. He shows me how to get there and he takes off for work and I`m on my own in Japan for the first time. I get off the train at Osu and pick an exit. Theres always a ton of exits at every station and I have no idea which one goes where. I picked exit 4. I come up into the streets and have a look around. I see... I see....I don`t see anything. What gives?? I walk around a bit and don`t see very much of interest.

About ten minutes later over the top of some buildings I see what might be the top of the temple that Kevin was speaking of. Osu Kannon Temple. I make my way over there and have a look around. Its a pretty nice temple. You guys can check it out once I upload the pictures when I get back home. So I do the whole temple thing and I look over and see what looks like a few souvenir shops off to the side of the temple. So I was thinking oh cool, I could use some temple souvenirs for my fellow Buddhists back home. So I make my way over there and the first thing I see is a few restaurants. Hmmm...further in i assume. So I go in some more and see more and more stores selling stuff like clothes or tea pots and the like. Oh cool I thought to myself, a row of shops of some cool things. Not bad, let me walk further down and see what else there is and I`ll turn back around towards the temple area. I go down a little bit and I come to a fork in the road. To the left... restaurants and shops. To the right...more restaurants and shops. Which way? Um.. lets go right. I walk down right and another road of shops is revealed. Had to be over 50 shops on that road. i get to the end of the road and there is another road connected to it perpendicularly. I go left this time. This is more of a main street so it looks more normal with shops on both sides. I come to yet another street and go right once more. More shops. I figured the rows and rows of shops would end soon but it doesnt. I walk for what felt like forever and I just keep turning into more streets and more shops. Pretty soon I was completely lost in a spider web of shops. This place has everything you could possibly think of! Clothing store, shoe store, accessory store, pots and pans store, second hand shops, mom and pop shops, dvd store, game store, pachinko parlor, jacket store, glove store, underwear store, used anything store, scarves store... oh...speaking of the scarf store...

So I`m learning quickly that in Japan they advertise like crazy and store owners are always out in front of their stores screaming something out. I can only assume its good things about their stores to try and get you to come in. So as you walk down a street of stores all you hear is screaming in Japanese. Even quicker you will learn to ignore all this nonsense. So I`m walking through the streets and I walk past this store that only sold scarves. I keep walking.. almost past it....and then the girl working there comes out and yells something out in Japanese. I looked over and...she was kind of cute. Hmmm...let me...stop by the store real quick... to look at scarves of course. I step in and alot of English and Japanese exchange with no one having any idea what the other is talking about. But there are signs. So thats good. 3,000 yen a scarf. Hmm... 3,000 divided by 100, whats that like 3 dollars or so? Oh hey thats not bad at all, ill get like...3 of them, thats like ten, twelve dollars. No big deal. I know a few people that likes scarves anyways. We go through this long process of picking out these scarves and I finally settle on 3 of them. Cool, lets get out of here. But wait, very skillfully she upsells me a..belt for a scarf?? What the? She shows me how it works and its actually kinda cool. Ok ill take one of those too. Its only 477 yen..divided by 100...about 4, or 5 dollars? Not bad. Hmm...something doesnt feel right. Oh well. The exchange rate kinda sucks right now, its actually less than 100, its in the 80s but using the 100 scale gives it an approximation.

So she rings up the scarves and the total on the register said 9,500 yen. and I pull out a 10,000 yen bill. And then it clicks..

Brain - SON OF A.. 9,500 divided by 100..carry the 2... subtract...
Gene - DUDE! you converted wrong!!!! 3000 yen is over 30 dollars!!
Brain - omg omg thats like a hundred dollars...
Gene - for three scarves?
Brain - dont forget the belt thing.
Gene - ?!?! you IDIOT
Brain - dude theres no time, either pay or run...
Gene - dude...
Brain - dude shes kinda cute... and she was really nice and helpful..
Gene - Oh really? she was helpful? what did she say to you?
Brain - but shes cute too...we kinda came too far...
Gene - Dude quit being such a dude.. we can jus....oh hey..pretty smile..
Brain - Thataboy...

And thats the story of how I hustled myself out of 100 dollars on some of the thinnest cloth you ever seen. This came not 72 hours after a friend told me to go to Japan and hustle THEM as much as I can. Ah well, at least they are soft scarves.

I continue walking..and I walk by this store with this jacket for girls sitting outside. Oh hey cool jacket. How much? 3,400 yen. Ok think real hard how much is that. Less than $40 dollars. Are we sure?...Ten minutes pass. Yes we are sure. Hey thats pretty good. What size is it? hmm... no size...ok take it inside and ask the shop owner what size, they understand small medium and stuff. I go inside and find the dude over the counter and he looks kinda scary until I start talking then he turns into a real nice guy.

Gene - um..excuse me.. size?
Guy - Ohhh size-o?? hashi moosen asheno ehn.. asennn herrookooki
Gene - uh..no japanese?
Guy - OOOOO no japaenese! ehh..no sizeo. vhan size..
Gene - oh one size? one size fits all? dude no way...
Guy - haii haii
Gene - i guess not then..i need to know the size.
Guy - oohhh, haii... eh..sohreee..
Gene - its ok..

So I go put the jacket up and I look at it again. Man I like this jacket. My friends come in all size, someone can fit this. I want it. I take the jacket back inside and try again.

Gene - um, you have no idea what size this is?
Guy - annoo.. haji ishi noonkeh hannteyoo (he is looking at and it really looks like he is trying to figure it out, nice guy)
Gene - ok um.. my friend..is like...this tall ( i make up a heigh with my hand) and.. about this wide.. (i just put my hands apart as if im about to clap)
Guy - ahh hai hai, asenihi oshen dattebayo horigan ishen ohren san k ai yo?
Gene - (oh he asked me a question i heard the accent go up) dude i have no idea what you just said (im shrugging like dude i duno)
Guy - ahh ahsen americano ahiishahe hajhaj yoo hahaha!
Gene - eh..(i point to my jeans) um.. jean size... maybe 3 in japan?

Guy - OOOOO... 3... hasheyanong anenne ashen sikoyi da.. eh... hearriko.. ahasejkene

Gene - ok one more time.. um.. (i look to the side and see a shirt thats a size medium) dude..ok...this... is medium...

Guy - hai! medium!

Gene - ok if this...is medium... this jacket is.. small? or medium?

Guy - (light bulb goes of) AHHH!! smallruu.. mediumruuu!

Gene - Did you just say both sizes??!?!? come on man!! help me out!

Guy - hahahha ashenoyo hikori menokorekna sano kiayyyy hahha

Gene - yea i know right, tell me about it

Guy - ashenikak noya asen ko ya?

Gene - yea its cool, dont worry about it.

Guy - ikirishio anskea?

Gene - yea your probably right, ill take it.

Guy - haisne iilkio on saneyy

Gene - yea i kno i kno, true, itll probaly work.

Guy - hosenigonaga?

Gene - i have no idea why we keep talking to each other in our native languages either when its clear we have no idea what the other one is saying.

Guy - hai!

Gene - Arigato!

Guy - Arigato!

Walk out, jacket in bag. Not sure exactly what happened. I just know it was epic.

Later that night I was introduced to Japanese BBQ called yakiniku. Freakin A is was awesome. So damn good. We need to find a yakiniku place in Dallas or make one ourselves or something. The meal was epic. This was just an epic day. From hustling myself to my legendary conversation to dinner to everything.

Me and Kevin reflected on life at dinner too. Epic. Reliving our time back in the day when we used to roll together. Also epic. Deep conversations about life and love. Nothing gay I swear... EPIC

Preview for day 4 and 5: Naked time in the city of Hakone!

The Chronicles of Japania Day 2: Takin it Easy

I go to sleep about 3am the previous day and its freakin 6am and I`m already wide awake. Even half way around the world I can`t sleep correctly. YJ crashed with us last night and he and Kevin are still asleep like normal people. Check out time is at 9am so I got at least 2 and a half hours before anyone else gets up. Time to bust out the Ipod. Only one way to go...Taylor Swift.

Everyones finally up and we get on out of there. Head downstairs and had breakfast in the hotel lobby. It was alright. I ordered an orange juice for like 4 u.s dollars and it came in a shot glass. Fantastic. There was an item on the menu that read "Hawaiian Breakfast." The description said "spam, eggs and toast." Not a pineapple anywhere to be found I kid you not.

They decide to take me around Tokyo to see a few sights before me and Kevin head back to his city, Nagoya. Its an absolutely gorgeous day. The day before was really cold and rainy. Since YJ stayed with us he still has all his stuff with him so he is walking around the city with his long sleeve sweater, big jacket, and an umbrella in 75 degree weather and sunshine everywhere. Pretty damn funny. I hear a little about YJ`s story. Quite the interesting character. Korean dude that doesn`t even really wanna be Korean. See kiddos, not even Koreans wanna be Koreans. Life lessons.

Anyways after all the walking around they take me to a store called Bic Camera. Its like a giant electronic store. The thing is like 9 floors full of electronics and appliances and all sorts of crazy stuff. You can even purchase a Cambodian slave on the 7th floor. Its wild. So I wanted to get a camera in Japan and I`m looking through their stuff. A little disappointed as most of the stuff I saw was available in the U.S. But I did see this one that looked pretty badass. A bit pricey but I was like screw it I want it. Now... I think there was something like 150 different cameras on that floor... and 149 of them had the option to turn the menu into english. Guess which one I chose? Yea, total wackness.

No camera for me. Head to the train station ready to head to Nagoya. Said our goodbyes to YJ and hop on the bullet train. The train ride is about 2 hours long. Not to bad at all. Halfway into the trip though I go to my bag to get my Ipod out and...no ipod anywhere. Damnit i left it at the hotel. This sucks.

Kevin - dont worry ill call the hotel when we get back and they will send your stuff to my apartment
Gene - seriously? they do that?
Kevin - yea why wouldnt they?
Gene - i dunno? that wouldnt happen back in the states man. all the maids there are black or mexican. thats a christmas present for the family right there dude.
Kevin - dude its Japan, there are no mexicans and if they find it theyll keep it for you.
Gene - wow...no mexicans....

Before we get to the apartment he takes me to the 7-11 convenient store. Man they are OFF the chains. They got everything in there. Like an entire section of Japanese food, like real Japanese food! Noodles and ramen and soba and hot buns and hot soup and rice. It was amazing.

Anyways, we wrap up the day with dinner a bit later and I pass out. Pretty tired. Was a long two days. Nothing too too interesting today but Day 3 is pretty epic.


p.s. - even in Japan the bathrooms smell like doo doo. I half expected it to smell like potpurri all the time or something... i dunno.


PREVIEW FOR DAY 3 - I hustle myself out of $100 and a legendary conversation.

The Chronicles of Japania Day 1: Arrival

Day 1: Arrival

So i arrive in at the airport in Tokyo and all is well. Went through customs and it was pretty much a painless process. Took a good 45 minutes to get through everything. These people like to bow...alot. Anyways i get out through the terminal and start looking for Kevin. Dude is nowhere to be found. I walk back and forth and finally decided he stood me up. I go to a pay phone and make my very first purchase in Japan. I buy a phone card for 1000 yen. Machine popped out a card, i stuck it into the phone and called him. No answer. Hmm... where is this dude. Call him again, he picks up this time hallelujah. Hes not there yet!! He been waiting for me for ten years to get to Japan and dude gonna be late. Seriously. He said he will be there in a second and all of a sudden i hear his voice echoing. Dude is running up the escalator right next to the phone booth. MY NIGGA!!! Um... many many manly homeboy hugs ensue. ANYWAYS moving on...

We hop on the train and headed back to the hotel. He is in Tokyo for business so his company put him up for the weekend. Free room, sweet. We get there and its bigger than I thought it would be in Japan. Anyways, we kick it for awhile and then we head out to dinner. Kevin has a couple friends that are gonna meet us up. We head to..Shibuya was it? one of the busiest cities in Tokyo. Was pretty sweet. People everywhere. We get off at the station and Kevin points out the busiest starbucks in the world in the middle of Shibuya. So we meet up Kevin`s two friends. A guy named YJK. Yea the dudes name is 3 letters. Y J K. pretty freakin awesome. Real chill guy. We call him YJ. Korean dude with endless stories. and then we meet another guy nicknamed "Seku." I won`t tell you what that nickname means. But he is a really nice guy and he actually went to UNT in Denton for 4 years way back when. Anyways he says to me:

Seku- eh..i..fohget...engrish...how.

..are you?
Gene- oh, its cool, im good im good. thank you
Kevin- ha, thats funny, just wait.
Gene- wait for what?
Kevin- *smug smile* just wait.

YJs english is very good so now problems there. We begin walking, headed to dinner. They wanted to start me off with a nice Japanese experience so they take me to a "Izakaya" style dinner. Its where you sit on the floor around a table order a bunch of appetizer type food to eat and drink some beers and have a good time. Its like family style eating. It was pretty awesome. At this point, Seku and Kevin are at like... 8 beers already. I`m quite a few behind them since I didnt wanna overdo it, I had been up for about 23 straight hours from when I left Dallas at that point. A few more people arrive and join us so we all kinda have our little side convos. I was talking to Kevin then all of a sudden...

Gene - man so talk to me bro hows everything
Kevin - its good man its good, im doing well at my job everythings good.
Gene - thats good to hear yo
Kevin - yea yea, how about you? hows home?
Gene - man you know how it is.. same ol stuff back there... everyone looking for a job and all that
Kevin - man i hear ya..

Seku: So with the economy struggling as it is,how does your government plan to avert this problem facing America. Any stimulus package or something of the sort in the works?
Gene: well the thing is... wait what?

I look around kind of confused and i look to Kevin. Dude is laughing his ass off.

Gene- dude did you just speak perfect english to me?
Seku - haha! i dont know? i... i am not sure! more beer???
Gene - ....
Kevin - hahahaha, i told you to wait for it man. dudes english is unstoppable when he is drunk.
Gene - dooode
Kevin - dude, you good? you gotta be tired...
Gene - Im good man, i think i can go another 3 or 4 more hours.

So we all start telling stories and just chilling and somehow we started talking about black people. Oh yes. I had plenty to say. Black girls specifically and the amount of hatred I have for them. YJ agrees, he is very knowing of the black girls way in the states. Evident by his constant finger snapping, head waiving and saying "OOOKKKKKK" oh yes, my kind of guy, he knows. So i tell the gay black guy vs. black girl story I experienced back home and most are quite impressed with my gay guy/black girl impressions. But Im not sure YJ knew what i was doing as he was still in the background head shaking finger wagging to no one in particular. He knows. My nigga.

3 to 4 hours have elapsed...

Kevin: dude man.. you been up for like.. 27 hours or something, you good? we can head back..
Gene - whenever man, im cool. im good for another 3-4 more hours...
Kevin - dude you said that 3 hours ago...
Gene - ...... sweet...
Kevin - sweeet

So now we are all done with dinner and about to head back and we say our goodbyes to most everyone and head out. YJ brought out a girl that he wanted to introduce to Kevin..Seemed like they got along pretty well. Then i accidentally told the story were everyone in texas thought Kevin was gay until recently... i swear it was an accident, Kevin not happy. So we start heading back but Seku wants just one more drink. So we head down to an irish pub kinda deal and he gets a drink while we pretty much wait for him. We finish up and head back to the hotel, I`m almost at 30 hours straight now.. time for some rest

ODD CONVO OF THE DAY

Ok so in that pub we were at... this weird older white guy just randomly comes up to Kevin and starts talking to him. Just out of nowhere. He is from the states. Anyways they talk foreevverrrr...

Guy - *small talk small talk small talk*
Kevin - *fake responses fake responses*

this goes on for a good 15 minutes...and then..

Guy - So what do you think of this whole kidnapping thing going on in Japan?
Kevin - uh... what?
Guy - yea man kidnapping
Kevin - oo..k.. hey listen i gotta..
Guy - So i was in Japan years ago and I had a baby with a Japanese woman here. And guess what she did? She took my kid and left. Just kidnapped him man. I mean I`m the kids father. Its ridiculous.
Kevin - oh.. well.. hey my friends are..
Guy - So i went back home for awhile..then i was like you know what.. im gonna go back to Japan...and I`m gonna find my kid no matter what.
Kevin - um...your in a bar... i dont think your kid is here..
Guy - Yea i was here yesterday too, it was kinda dead...
Kevin - hey my friends have left already, their all waiting for me outside..im gonna go...
Guy - ok man ill be here tomorrow too if you wanna come out here and get a drink...
Kevin - o.. yea..no...
Guy - Later bro!!

Awesome day 1.

Preview for day 2: The camera fiasco and lost ipod...(yes, already)

curious..

Got to talking with a friend about relationships and whatnot and it got me thinking about what we talked about. Well we talked about a little of everything as far as relationships goes including just about every cliche in the book. "Guys are all assholes" came up alot. I don't dispute that. I'm losing more and more faith in my species. Not to saying you girls are just flawless. I could right a book on you guys but thats for another time. Yet those "assholes" got all the girls. Curious much. You hear that all the time right? "the asshole always gets the girl" and "the good guy finishes last." Those two go hand in hand. You always hear girls saying something like "I wish I could just find a decent guy." Please. They don't want that. They already have that. They can get that anytime they want. In fact, its pretty much guaranteed that 2 or 3 "good guys" are after any given girl at any given time. But what do they end up with? The Asshole of course. Its uncanny how often this happens. The handful of decent guys left in the world just cringed cause they know all too well. We literally see it all the time and just about everyone has wondered why the heck that is. Who knows! There have been a multitude of theories out there. You can pick and choose which one you think is right. I sure as heck can't figure it out. Why does the following conversation seem to happen all too much. Every, and i mean EVERY single one of you has been through this or knows someone thats been through this.

Girl A: Hey girl, hows it going with you and Timmy Perfect on Paper?
Girl B: *sigh* um... I don't know. It's ok I guess?? I just don't know about him...
Girl A: What do you mean you don't know? The guy is like perfect in almost every way.
Girl B: yeaaaaaaaa.. buttt...
Girl A: But what?? You guys get along so well, he has a great job, he makes good money, he takes care of his whole family, he's very educated, he loves you more than anything in the world, he would do ANYTHING for you, he puts you ahead of everything... even Tom Brady for crying out loud. And as a bonus he can even cook a little. What more can you ask for?
Girl A: I knowwwwwww... but... there's Johnny...
Girl B: What? You mean Johnny Dumbfuck?! Are you serious??
Girl A: *dreamy eyed smile* but i loveee himmmm
Girl B: What's wrong with you?? The guys a dead beat, doesn't even care about you, all he does is party, and he puts every single one of his friends before you. Besides that, he treats you like crap!
Girl A: *staring into space* but i loovee himmmmm..
Girl B: .........

Seriously. Happens way to much. The battle between Timmy Perfect On Paper and Johnny Dumbfuck rages on. Timmy your a great guy... but you got your work cut out for ya. Wait a minute...What if there existed a more balanced guy?? A cross between said Mr. Paper and Senor Dumbfuck. That would be the perfect guy wouldn't it be ladies? I don't know man. Becareful what you wish for. If you combine Timmy Perfect On Paper and Johnny Dumbfuck, you might end up with Jimmy Perfect Dumbfuck. I guess we can't win.

bummer

gt

i got nothin

Seriously, the whole reason I even started this blog was because I had quite a people tell me that my opinions on all matters in life would make for some great writings. And yea i started to think it was a good idea as there in fact were many things that I have strong opinions about. Picking a topic I thought would be the least of my worries. Couple months into this blog and I can't find anything to talk about. I still can't. Blanked out so bad lately I even posted a queer ass entry which has since been deleted. Oh well. I even missed my NBA finals blog. The finals has since started so I won't visit that. Which is good since I don't want to do too much sports anyways. For now I'll go rapid fire random thoughts. 1-50 in no particular order. Here we go.

1. mamba mode
2. one more again
3. vesperia
4. can you stop the unstoppable?
5. awesometerrificness
6. scofield
7. two words for you
8. you are out of control
9. what kind of phone is that
10. 7
11. 13
12. yo yo
13. hado-ken
14. cilantro and lime
15. i don't get it
16. in the roof
17. i can't sleep
18. let's go
19. you can have whatever you like
20. it is what it is, isnt it?
21. im running out of random thoughts already
22. make the call
23. spoofee
24. 24
25. thats just too much attitude
26. dylon, dylon, dylon, dylon... and dylon
27. years old
28. a beer
30. dont worry about it
31. hautelook
32. dissidia
33. i see you like to chew...
34. jvg
35. i got you
36. chilissssssssss baby back ribssss
37. gold chocobo
38. what number are we on?
39. is the answer to the question in another question?
40. shattered
41. exp points? or ap points?
42. this can't be life
43. shoot the j
44. soft!!!
45. why won't my rechargeable batteries charge..
46. just relax, i got it
47. get money, get paid, oh rah
48. rawr
49. im better
50. straight cash homey

....

SUCKS

jeanius

Sudden obsession with jeans. Jeezums its a terrible addiction man. How did this all come about anyways? Let me take you back to a night once upon a time...

I don't even really remember what we were doing that night. Just remembered we were going out somewhere with a couple of friends. I had picked up a friend and went on to meet another friend. Soon as a stepped out of the car...

Me: Hey..whats up
Friend: NEW JEANS!!!!!!!
Me: Huh!? Wha?! Whats going on?!
Friend: YOU GOT NEW JEANS!!!
Me: Dang... how did you know so fast?? its dark out here!
Friend: Dude seriously?? you got like...3 pairs total.
Me: Dang why you gotta call me out like that??
Friend: You only wear like one pair dude, and its not that one.. SO ITS NEW!!
Me: Crap maybe i should get some new jeans..
Friend: uh YEA you should, i got like 60 pairs
Me: 60!?! i bet you only wear like 5 of em huh...
Friend: Don't hate

So that started it all. I set out to have more jeans. Started out as an amateur and rightfully so, picking up some ok jeans here and there. But something was missing.. what was it? Baller jeans, duh. And since I'm a self proclaimed baller anyway, might as well go for it. Ended up at a far away place that had some pretty ballerific jeans...

Friend: Dude, gotta get some man.
Me: Na man.. a bit out of my league, not used to spending this much on jeans.
Friend: Dude, feel these. Feel how soft they are.
Me: Whats the big deal, its just a pair of j... ....oh my. These ARE soft.
Friend: Try them on yo.

And that was that. The beginning of an era. So it began. Now i had some guidlines to go by courtesy of my jeans mentor. Softness, comfort, wash and fit. Got em coach. I got it. But I was still young and not experienced enough and still had alot to learn.

Me: Sifu, Sifu. How about these?
Sifu: *backhand slap* Have I taught you nothing? Feel the texture of those. Smell the poor materials that they are made of. Out of my sight!

But I perservered. Trying to get better and better everyday. Only way to get better? Buy more jeans of course. And so i did. Not to long ago my closet had nary an option as far as jeans go. Now? I actually have some sort of choice. And the addiction isn't slowing down. More, More! MORE!

Me: SIFU! I got you these! what do you think??
Sifu: hmm, eh. Not bad. These are ok, do away with these.

Sifu would never say it, but Sifu was proud. I could tell.

All this accumulated to last night when I was trying on my latest pair at home. Seriously, they were softer than a swimming pool full of named brand marshmallows. Called for my cousin...

Me: Dude, come check out these jeans. FEEL THEM!
Cousin: ZOMG, so soft!!
Me: I know! What you think? Look alright?
Cousin: Dude.. what the hell man? Your..hot?
Me: What??
Cousin: Na, dude...like.. the girl kind of hot. Those jeans make your ass look better. Your... gay.
Me: *raises hand in victory as my cousin walks out of my room*

I follow her to her room.

Me: EH? EH? EH?
Cousin: Your such a chick. My cousin is a homo. Get out of my room
Me: Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful.


til next time kiddos
gt

NBA Playoff Predictions Part 2

Now on to the Eastern Conference. I'll do this one a little bit different than the west. Just gonna break down the team and their chances of reaching the finals. Here we go.

No. 1 Cleveland Cavaliers

I guess Lebron James really is that good. This team is trash to me. I just don't understand that they are this good. But they have the best record in the league and have an unbelievable home court advantage. They should reach the east finals with relative ease with KG seemingly out of the picture. But this team isn't just perfect. Their main competitors are the Lakers and the Celtics. The Lakers best player is Kobe Bryant, their second best is Pau Gasol and their third is maybe Lamar Odom. The Celtics best player is Paul Pierce, second is Ray Allen, and if healthy their third best is Keven Garnett. Not bad. But what about the Cavs? Obviously Lebron is their best player, but their second best player is...Mo Williams? More power to you if you Cavs fan trust him to be your second best player. What about your third best player? Sideshow Bob? Do they even have a third player on that team? Their third best player is probably Lebron James' penis. It's huge. Don't ask me how i know that. I heard that as a kid when he played hockey, he used it as his hockey stick. No joke. I still think this team reaches the east finals as they have the easier route of both Boston and Orlando, they only gotta play one of them. But we'll see what happens if this team is faced with a little adversity and a little pressure.

MVP through the playoffs - Lebron James, duh
Xfactor - Lebron James' penis, duh

No. 2 Boston Celtics

KG and his knee kind of took the drama out of this one. They were decimated by the Cavs at the end of the year and they don't have the home court this year. Little reason to think Cavs won't take this series IF they meet. Big if as if they both advance, Boston has Dwight Howard and company to deal with. But don't count them out just yet. They still have The Truth Paul Pierce. Over the last 2 years he has definitley propelled himself into the top 3 or 4 of most clutch players. He can take over a series as he showed you in last years finals. So you know there are still things the Celtics will do to give them a chance. Paul Pierce will hit the clutch shot, Jesus will J you in your grill if you let him breathe, and Rajon Rondo will keep doing his fake behind the back pass in the paint that will lead to something or another. How will the Celtic bigs man the paint? Time will tell.

MVP through the playoffs - Paul Pierce
Xfactor - Rajon Rondo

No. 3 Orlando Magic

Gotta love this team cause you gotta love Dwight Howard. Superman is in the building. Dudes a beast but is he really ready to carry a team on his shoulders alone? It would appear he is not. It will take him doing what he does and the rest of his capable squad to do what they do in order for this team to advance. I think without KG Orlando will dispatch Boston in 6 or 7 games in the second round and get a date with Lebron James and his crew of rejects. I think Orlando CAN win vs Cleveland but I don't think they will. This time next year I'll take Orlando in a heartbeat if they got the same team more or less. This year... one series short.

MVP through the playoffs - Dwight Howard
Xfactor - Rafer Alston

No 4. Atlanta Hawks

Can they really build upon what they did last year? I really can't tell. If they win the first round they will be rewarded with a matchup with the top seeded Cavaliers. I really don't know what this team is gonna do. And when i say that I mean i don't know if they will take the cavs to 6 or 7 or just get swept. I don't think they will lose the first round even against Dwyane Wade. Seriously he is just ONE guy. Ill take the Hawks round one but no further. Althought I would LOVE to see it go further. Their a fun bunch. Should keep getting better.

MVP through the playoffs - Joe Johnson
Xfactor - Josh Smith

No 5. Miami Heat

Dwyane Wade can only do so much although he has shown he is absolutley incredible. But Atlanta has too much talen at too many positions and this team is chalk full of rookies and nobodies. Beasley hasn't shown me a thing this year but should improve in the coming years. Chalmers is still a kid playing a mans game although he has done well. I don't really trust him. Wade will carry this team, and if they advance it will be soley on his shoulders alone. Don't get me wrong, I would not be surprised if he averaged 43 in this series and wins it by himself. I just don't think it will happen. He does have a chance to do it because no player in the NBA is allowed to travel more than Dwyane Wade. More than a few times this year I've seen him come down court, kill his dribble at the three point line, do a spin move and dunk the ball. I kid you not. The NBA, where amazing happens.

MVP through the playoffs - Dwyane Wade
Xfactor - Dwyane Wade

No. 6 Philadelphia 76ers

Is there a team in the league that anyone cares less about than this team? I don't think so either. Honestly i don't know too much about this team. I know their fairly tough and their series with Orlando might be closer than some may think. The sixers tend to stick around close til the end and let the new AI do something crazy. Works out sometimes believe it or not.

MVP Through the playoffs - Andre Iguodola
Xfactor - man i dont know...

No 7. Chicago Bulls

A fun and exciting team to watch because of The Chosen One. You already know who. In due time, he may very well take this league over. Only a matter of time before King's ankles become a victim of the Red Rose. But its not his time just yet. This team really doesn't have an identity. What do they do? Don't really know. They have some talented forwards that play hard but I don't know if anyone of them will amount to even an all star. Kirk Hinrich needs more credit. An excellent combo guard that can shoot, score, finish and defend. They need him this series. Maybe if he and Rose are on their game the same night they can steal one from the Celtics. Maybe without KG there might be some matchup problems but Boston should still come through. Bulls fans should be excited about the future...or very scared of what their front office might do. But you still have The Chosen One. Bless that young man.

MVP through the playoffs - Kirk Hinrich
Xfactor - Tyrus Thomas

No. 8 Detroit Pistons

If the Bulls don't have an identity then this team is straight up lost in purgatory. I REALLY don't know what they do and still don't know what the big fuss is over Rodney Stuckey. Not impressed. If they got one thing going for them is Detroit and Cleveland have a bit of a rivalry. Would be great if they could make a series out of it. Won't believe it til i see it though. Good luck agains that giant penis.

MVP through the playoffs - Richard Hamilton
Xfactor - Rasheed Wallace


I'll write about the finals when it comes around just in case my teams that I picked don't get there haha. Right now I got the Lakers and Cavs going at it. More on this in June

til next time
gt

NBA Playoff Predictions Part 1

The NBA playoffs are among us. Without further ado, here is my breakdown of what will happen. I'll start with Western Confernce today, and finish up with the Eastern Conference tomorrow.

No. 1 Los Angeles Lakers vs No. 8 Utah Jazz

Why the Lakers can win: They are clearly the best team in the west with everything they need to go to the finals. They are the most balanced team. Not much to talk about here, they should win.
Why the Jazz can win: On paper they can beat any team. A world class point guard, an all star forward, and some great role players. For some reason this team is jekyl and hyde. They are fantastic at home, and completely below average on the road. Who knows, maybe home court Utah shows up for the series

The Jazz still don't have anyone to guard Kobe despite better guard play than last year. This team closed the season on a major slump losing even at home. This team never put it together this year for whatever reason. I see them winning one home game but thats about it. Lakers advance 4-1

Best player in the series: Kobe Bryant - No one on the Jazz can slow him
X Factor: Paul Milsap - No one else will play harder

No. 2 Denver Nuggets vs No. 7 Chris Paul.. I mean New Orleans Hornets

Why the Nuggets can win: I believe they are the second best team in the west, well rounded from top to bottom. Great point play, great energy off the bench, and they got a closer of their own in Carmelo. And JR Smith is one of the most underrated players in the league.
Why the Hornets can win: They got Chris Paul. He will bring it every single game. They might need him to play 48 minutes a game to have a chance. Just a question as to who else shows up to play with him.

Denver is obviously the more complete team. But the Hornets are a one man team. But that one man is THE man. Without him the Hornets are on the precipice of the lottery. No one means more to his team this side of Lebron James. But I don't think its enough, especially if JR Smith knocks down his first three of the night. It rains after that. Nuggets win 4-2

Best player in the series - Chirs Paul, nuff said
X Factor - JR Smith - this dude is on the edge of superstardom

No. 3 San Anotonio Spurs vs. No. 6 Dallas Mavericks

Why the Spurs can win - They are the Spurs. Never count them out until they are out. Tony Parker is killin it this year. No one on Dallas can guard him, he should have a huge series. Timmy will be Timmy
Why the Mavericks can win - They end the season on fire offensively. Jet Terry is dialed in and for some reaosn, the Spurs have never been able to stop Dirk. Who knows why.

I really think the Mavs are the better team this time around. And I think they win. Seeing them going into SA and winning game 7 doesn't seem likely, so I guess I will take them in 6. Mavs move on 4-2

Best player in the series - Dirk/Tony Parker - neither team can stop the other
X Factor - Jason Terry - If he's on, good night.

No. 4 Portland Trailblazers vs. No. 5 Houston Rockets.

Why the Blazers can win: This team is playing great. Young energetic and full of confidence. Roy and Aldridge will be tandem to be reckoned with for years. And i got a man crush on Rudy Fernandez.
Why the Rockets can win: Yao should dominate this series. Oden can't check him yet. Artest is their next go to guy and he does a decent job. Houston is all about their role players. How will they play out?

This is the toughest series to predict in my opinion. I actually like the Blazers, but i don't think they are ready just yet. Its about damn time the Rockets left the first round. It finally happens here. And I'll take homecourt when im not for sure sure. Rockets slip by 4-3

Best player in the series: Yao Ming - He's really tall
X Factor - Rockets bench - they need to score the ball

Round 2 Western Conference

No. 1 Los Angeles Lakers vs No. 5 Houston Rockets

Why the Lakers can win: Kobe destroyed the Rockets in the regular season. Him and Artest got something going. Kobe steps it up and drops 30 per.
Why the Rockets can win: If Battier can shut down Kobe enough to frustrate him to a bad series. Seriously, thats the only way.

Too much power from the Lakers. They take it. Lakers 4-2

Best player in the series - Kobe Bryant - He torched them all year
Xfactor - Andrew Bynum and what he can do against Yao

No. 2 Denver Nuggets vs No. 6 Dallas Mavericks.

Why the Nuggets can win: The starters are pretty even here but the Nuggets have the better bench. JR smith, Kleiza and Birdman > Jet Terry by himself.
Why the Mavs can win: Same as always, Dirk and Jet two man show. Nuggets advance 4-3

Best Player in the series - Carmelo Anthony - dropped over 40 on them last time
Xfactor - Birdman - outhustled every Maverick this year

West Finals No. 1 Los Angeles Lakers vs No 2. Denver Nuggets

Why the Lakers can win - Broken record, the best team in the west.
Why the Nuggets can win - They can't, but for argument sake, if Melo and JR can average 60 together they got a shot. Lakers win easy - 4-1

Best player in the series - Pau Gasol - should school Denvers big men
Xfactor - JR Smith - he always the xfactor

Its How I Roll

I guess this should have been my first post before anything else, before I offend someone, or a large nation, or a small planet. (Its really not that bad, but just in case). I don't really care what anyone else thinks about me. I'm an ass and a hater. Definitely not very gentleman like. I say whatever i feel like, right or wrong be damned. Racial comments, sexist comments, stereotypes, unfair hatred... its all fair game here. If you don't like that, or are easily offended, then just don't read it. Take it for what it is. Its well documented that I'm a hater. But the good thing is i don't discriminate between hate. I hate ignorance. And ignorance comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Many times, I get alot of heat for stereotyping, which I love to do. "That's not fair to say, their not all like that, that's so not cool to say that about them." Duh, I'm well aware that they are not all like that. There are exceptions to everything. But where do you think stereotypes come from? They happen enough within a group of people that it gets itself a label. Just how it goes. Sorry white people, I know you love to give everything more credit than they actually deserve, but the reality is stereotypes and ignorance are everywhere and it effects just about everyone in their own way. I just like to call some of them out once in awhile in a greatly exaggerated fashion. Again, take it for what it is. There's a reason why everyone says black people are better in sports, that Jews are cheap as hell, that asian people can't drive, or that white people...dont get me started on them, or that asian people are better in math. It's because we have all had experiences about that. We all been dominated in sports by the superior black athlete. We all been shortended by some cheap ass people before. We have all cussed out some retarded asian on the road for nearly causing fatal accidents. And we have all copied off that ridiculously smart chinese dude in school that has no friends. So...read my posts if you like and I hope you enjoy it, again take it for what it is. "He keeps saying take it for what it is, what IS it?" um... hell if I know.

til next time
gt

preview of next post: I generally try to stay away from sports topics since it only tailors to sports fans, but sometimes ill talk about it anyway. Hopefully, for you non sports fans, you will still find my writing interesting even if it is about sports. So next up, the NBA playoffs and my predictions.

Chinese Food Buffets

Been so long since i been to a Chinese food buffet. Always avoided them for some reason. But this past weekend for whatever reason i decided to tag along with the some family to go to a Chinese buffet. Seemed one of my aunts really likes their crab there. And hell, you know when there is unlimited crab...or lobster... or any other kind of crustaceans, Asian people will be there to attempt to put the owners out of business, you know the drill. And when it comes to lobster and crab and stuff like that.. they are a little bit like pizza... or sex...when its good, its good. When its bad... its really not that bad. So while they were destroying plates of crab i was walking the buffet aisle seeing what all they had. And i came upon three trays of chicken sitting next to each other. General Tsao's Chicken, Orange Chicken, and Sesame Chicken. I always chuckle when i encounter these dishes, as you have no idea how many times white people have told me "Oh! i know this GREAT chinese place that serves THE MOST authentic Orange Chicken you've ever had!" Anyways, I'm looking at the chicken and I thought to myself...is there a difference between them?? Man i dont know.. they all look like cubes of fried chicken with some sort of gooey orangey brown sauce on them. The only difference i see is that one has sesame seeds on them, the other has some orange peels somewhere in the pan, and the last one doesn't have either so it has to be the good Generals chicken. Meh, hating on the chicken all the time but like always i put some on my plate, ate it, and probably enjoyed it too. Surprisingly, the food there was actually pretty good. i was a bit surprised. But like all of you know, even if the food was absoultley terrible, chinese food buffet always has a backup. The jello sitting next to the honey dew melons and the canned peaches with syrup. YEA BABY, jello there always taste so good. Usually they got red and green flavor and if your lucky enough, they might even have orange flavor. Not that the orange is the best flavor, but it just doesnt make an appearance as often as the other two. Mmm mmm mmm. Chinese food buffet jello. Money.

Til Next Time

gt