My newlywed cousin Tina was also in Japan at this time and today they have reservations at a resort in the city of Hakone. The city is a city of Onsen, which is the natural hot springs bath you always see on TV. Kevin thought it was definitely worth it to experience and suggested I join them in the mountains. I agreed and Kevin made the reservation for me to head out there. He gave me train directions to get there and it looks like about 4 different train changes. So I was ready to head out early that morning and make my way out there.
Gene - Dang it, dude i forgot to bring a swimsuit with me
Kevin - uh..what the hell would you need that for?
Gene - um..for the..hot spring bath?
Kevin - (shaking his head)
Gene - no?
Kevin - no dude...those arent allowed...
Gene - so....naked time?
Kevin - naked time brotha
Gene - i see...
Kevin - is that gonna be a problem?
Gene - no no, naked time is cool...
I get there some 3 hours later after multiple train switches. It seems the further I get from the city the less english is used all around. I get to the city and I finally meet a rude Japanese worker. Seems like he hates his job. Anyway I get through that and come out from the train station and get a look at the city. Gorgeous place. We are up in the mountains so its quite a different view of what I`ve seen already. Hills and trees and forest and crisp air everywhere.
Now I`m trying to find my hotel and not having much luck. No english on any of the signs. I finally find what I think is the place. The name is in Japanese and the only way I figured out it was the right one was spending 15 minutes matching the symbols to what I had on my sheet of paper.
I go in and its a really really nice place. It better be for it being $250 a night on a freakin weekday. I hang out for awhile and then my cousin and her hubby finally arrive. We check in to our respective rooms and we go check them out. Pretty cool looking. My room was the western style so it was a little different from my cousins who has a Japanese style room. I have a look around and things look pretty normal, I have a normal bed you see everyday, a normal coffee table and normal toilet. I step outside to the balcony and find a traditional Japanese wooden bath! So cool! In this place they have their spring baths all over the hotel, around the hotel and they also have one right in your very own room. Sweet. Then I look around for my bathroom. I find the toilet, but its just a toilet. Where the crap is my shower?? I don`t have one. Only thing is the outdoor bath...in the cold weather...in the mountains. Crap. I run over to my cousins room down the hall to check their room out. Theirs is twice as big as mine and cooler than mine as it has the traditional Japanese stuff in it. Peep the pictures when I upload them. I was like dude.. we don`t have showers. Their like..um..yes we do. And they point to their shower..indoor. MEEHHH.
My cousin shows me a flyer that the hotel offers massages and stuff like that. I was like sweet. Lets do it. She calls and books the appointments and gets me the 60 minute shiatsu massage. We have a little time so we head down stairs and pick up Kimonos that they let us borrow while we are there. So we get changed and are walking around in Kimonos and Japanese slippers and all that. Pretty funny, but awesome. Time for massage. Went to the place and wait our turn and a nice little lady comes out to escort me into the room. Was so ready, I really needed it since I`ve been having a bit of a back and neck problem lately. So looking forward to this.
The next 60 minutes turned out to be the most treacherous and painful hour of my 27 years on this planet. HOLY mother of ALLL that is pure and heavenly. She started on my neck and back and the entire time I was clenching my teeth and I would have been begging for her to stop, but it hurt so bad I could not project any sound out of my mouth. I guess my back area was in worse shape than I thought. I have to tough it through. This was nothing short of torture. Jack Bauer has not seen anything like this before. A little bit in she was working my neck and I let out a gay girly yelp. And she lets up just a little and ask me the question "pain?" What I was thinking in my head was "EFFFF YEA PAIN, ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDIDNG ME??!?!?" Unable to speak correctly I muttered out in the gayest bitch voice ever "uh huhh." I think she giggled and continued on relentlessly. I thug it out as best as I could for the next half an hour and she flips me around face up and breathe a sigh of relief. She works my arms and legs and it doesn`t hurt. It feels great. Then she starts massaging my head and that also feels nice. What happened next made the first 45 minutes feel like childs play. HOLY HELL MAN. She gets to my temple and starts rubbing it and OH MY GOD I thought I was getting my eyes gouged out. My entire body clenches up and I`m frozen in absolute pain. Its boggling my mind, how did she manage to exceed the previous pain ten fold????? I know she sees the torture written on my face but she doesn`t let up. I`m thinking WHY won`t she stop, she sees the pain. Jesus I can`t describe how much it hurt. As I`m remembering what happened I`m starting to cry a little bit as I type this. After she gets to my temple area she won`t stop. She goes on for like ten minutes or so and I can only think that she won`t let up cause she knows its a really stressful area. I`m clenching so hard I damn near peed in my kimono. I swear the tears rolling down my cheeks turned to blood. MOM HELP!!!
She finally finishes and smiles at me and says "finished!" I`m out of breath and a little dizzy. I get up and stumble and struggle to find my shoes. I finally gather my thoughts and leave. She goes to find another lady that speaks english and tells her something in Japanese. The other lady comes up to me and says, she says your eyes are tired. Do you not sleep or something? I`m like..actually yes, I don`t sleep very well. Shes like thats why it hurt so much. Your eyes need more rest. You should try to sleep more. Fantastic advice. As if i try not to sleep on purpose. Damn that hurt so bad. You know what, the days not even done with and I can`t finish this. I`m traumatized reliving that massage. I mean my body felt really good after the fact, but while it was happening..... gah. I`ll finish up my Hakone experience with the next email.
take care kiddos
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